The Impatient Me…

Hello friends,

This is a story that has been derived from my life. Hope most of you can relate to it.

Walking down the yard I was feeling burdened, burdened from the fears that were burning my mind from inside, preventing any clarity of mind, preventing any action. I kept on thinking what will happen if I say so, what if, what then, how. My mind was playing with me and heart was injured in this process. I crossed the yard, opened the door to my red mustang, sat in it and looked in the mirror seldom used to see the ones following you, the ones that stare at you, to look behind. Flashback started, the cassette of my life reversed to the very starting.

The alarm clock set on the side of my single bed would everyday wake me up to a new day, a day that seemed like the previous day. Rise, dress, join the parade. My life was as boring as it could be. I had no surprises, no expectations, I was flowing with the flow. Nevertheless, I religiously attended the college because it was one place where I could talk with humans in the real world. My only friend Craig would meet me in the class, where he would be dying to tell what happened with him and his ‘so called girlfriend’ the previous day. I had no choice but to listen, making me feel worse inside, why can’t I talk to girls, is it so difficult?

Everything was going the way it meant to, classes held as scheduled, lunch breaks were as gossiping as before, time passed, bell rang and my journey back to home began. Just as I was getting in my car, Craig held me from behind and said” hey man, college fest is next month.” Fests are something that were alien to me because the sight of couples indulging in public display of affection in the fests would make me sick, making me realize how single I was. But my love for writing possessed me and I asked Craig for the details of only the literary events. Craig looked at me like a mother who was prepared to scold her child, like a librarian who would stare at you because you could not keep silent, like a girl who had been offended by someone of her beauty. “Brother do you even know what a fest means. It means to celebrate, to enjoy, to live.” Are you going to tell me about the events or not? I asked rudely and seeing nothing I jumped in my car and drove. This is normal with me. I usually tend to over react to situations, patience is something I was not born with and never tried developing it. I reached home and while sitting on my bed I realized that I had done wrong with the only friend I had. I called him. It is said that opposites attract, Craig was entirely opposite of me. He had dozens of friends, every weekend he was invited to a party. He took many initiatives to acquaint me with his friends but I avoided, discarded his every attempt. He picked up my call and said” What?” “Sorry man, you know how I am”, I tried to defend my case. You know what, I try so much to make you feel happy, why don’t you want to be happy? I had no answer. But, then it was the usual me, I had no answer why was I like that, why the colours seemed so vibrant, why the music sounded too loud, why every morning was just another morning, what to do with the mirror.

Ignorance is bliss

I ignored everything around me and sometimes ignored even myself.  The next day I met Craig he was completely normal as nothing had happened the previous day. He gave me a list of all the literary events along with the contacts. Thanks buddy” I said and hugged him. “Man don’t do this to yourself, you deserve better.” He whispered in my ears. After the college I contacted the people involved with the organizing and stated my inclination towards writing. They readily took me. Literature does not attract the already centre of attraction, the cool, the hot. Everything was prepared and we were set to welcome the participants at the fest.

The fest was inaugurated by the director of our college. People were excited, smiles rode the faces, happiness drove people to stalls, butter popcorn was all over the place, occasional laughter, gigs and gags, best dresses gathered eyeballs, hairstyles were all new, shades sat over nose.  We waited for our event to start. The participants started coming in and we started registering them. Then, something happened, unexpected to me, something totally intriguing. I was busy in registering the participants when I heard a voice that was the most serene, most soothing I had ever heard. “Hi, I wanted to register for the event.” The voice said, I lifted my face to see the most beautiful, divine creation of the heavenly bodies that was nurtured with utmost affection and care. I could not take my eyes off her. Dressed in an ethnic garb, her eyes were like black holes, the one you want to be lost in, the ones from where you don’t want to come out, the dimples on her face made me think of the craters of the Moon,  her hair was shining like a wood furniture that had been just polished. Immaculate, unearthly, out of the league. I was so lost in her that my other friend jerked me. I gathered my senses, ordered them to behave and continued the process. The competition started and everybody got busy. But I could not prevent myself from seeing her. I kept on looking at her and every time she played with her hair, I skipped a beat. The entire competition I did not hear or see anybody. The host announced the end of the competition. My heart broke, stop the time it said, you would not see her again. Disappointments are a part of life, I thought but this disappointment was too much to bear. She went outside the hall, I saw her leaving the room, an angel had left the place of commons. My mind, my heart, my thoughts went along with her and I took off for my home. Patience is a virtue which can drive individuals to act, sometimes prohibit action. But patience is something that could not root inside me. An impatient me, I messaged her on the phone number she gave.

“Hi, this is the organizer, quite a speech you gave that day. I wanted to ask whether you’ll be coming for the next event.” She replied.” I may not come to participate but I may come to attend.”

This response of her left me hanging by the thread. I couldn’t sleep, my mind started to make stories, whether she’ll come, what if she does not come. I waited for the night to over and day to rise. I woke up before the alarm, today I could hear the birds sing, wind rustle, trees mingle, school buses whoosh. I checked my inbox to see if any message was there by her. Alas nothing.

I dressed up for the fest, combed my hair, overshadowed my bodily aroma with the fragrance of a perfume and set for the college.

The event started, she did not come. My heart broke. But suddenly I felt a vibration; my heart was given an electric shock to revive it from the dead. She had messaged! When is the concert ? Her message read. Friend in need is a friend in need. Craig was there and without thinking I asked him about the details of the event. Craig was taken aback; he told everything to me with an excitement of a child who had just come from riding a swing and was telling everything to the mother. In a blink of eye I messaged her. Impatiently I asked her whether she was coming or not. She said, yes. I felt like I’m on cloud nine, ecstasies knew no bound. I was too afraid to meet her, thought that a girl so beautiful would reject me point blank. I was too normal, too common, not at all humorous, couldn’t crack a joke. So, I stayed away from her, let her be a lost dream, tried to forget her, let myself be disappointed. Fest had ended and the usual routine again found its way into me. But this time I had twisted and turned my routine. I never knew what to do with a mirror installed in the corner of my bathroom. After meeting the ‘Angel’, the mirror had become my close associate. I would stand hours in front of the mirror trying every dress, every hairstyle. Colours had become too vibrant, morning became blissful, music was too good. Days passed by and I tried forgetting her. Sometimes actions that are performed with planning may result into something unplanned and vice versa. I don’t know what was up with me that day; I tried searching her on a popular social networking site. Actions led to reactions and I found her profile. Curiosity drove me to check her profile. I tried to find something to talk to her about. Eureka! I found what I was looking for. She was an avid reader. I gathered my strength and messaged her about a book I had just read. “Hi, just a suggestion, you must check out Winterfell by Manners. It is a good book.” I waited impatiently for a reply. Time passed too slowly. I could very clearly hear the clock ticking, gears moving. I lost all hope when the reply did not come the whole day. I was confident that it was a bad move. I tried to indulge in other activities to ward off whatever going in my mind. My hands went over the phone and a moment of joy was born. She had messaged “thanks, will definitely add it to my list.” Circumstances were so that our chat continued for hours. Time passed so swiftly, in a blink of eye. My life had changed completely. The songs in my phone that were desperately seeking attention, made me realize that music can do wonders. The songs rejuvenated me, flowers were so beautiful, mornings were so serene, birds sang immaculately, I looked at stories with a whole new perspective. Everything was going smoothly; I felt that nothing was wrong in the world. I had changed completely and my friend Craig was the first one to notice.” Something is fishy.” Craig asked when he met me the other day. “nothing man” I explained. “ His expressions were similar to that of a policeman who would ask the culprit whether he had done a crime or not and the culprit who did the crime would reply otherwise. “ If you will not tell me about it, then never again talk with me.” Craig said. I could not resist any further and told him everything: how I saw her and how I fell for her. Craig listened very carefully. He then gave his expert opinion and told me not to rush with things. So, I waited and tried building a relationship with her, tried to know her interests, what she liked and it came out to be that she was mature than her age. Seldom she would guide me, console me whenever I was feeling low, make me laugh when nothing seemed right. I tried to make her laugh but my sense of humor never could match her comic timing. She was perfect, she was the one. Everything about her made me feel that she deserved better, that I was no match for her. Craig tried hard to make me feel otherwise. But his every attempt went in vain. Exams were to start in my college, I deviated all my focus towards them and thought that it would be best if I forget her. I could not resist thinking about her every second, every day of my life. Somehow my exams finished, I checked my inbox and saw a message from her. “ Hi, I wanted to tell you that my father has been transferred to another country. I would be leaving on 23rd. “ I checked the calendar. Today is 23rd!! It felt like that the earth was torn apart, sky had fallen down. I could not think of anything, how to stop her, how would I see her, how would I meet her. Everything stopped. Impatience amalgamated with adrenaline and I took out my car drove as fast as I could and reached her home. Her home was just like the ones you see in television commercials, just like all the other ones that were resting besides it. It was coloured red with a big yard , planted with many trees and plants of various types. My eyes noticed everything, everything including the lock that was there sitting at the door, mocking me, laughing at me. Her house was locked, she had left, I could not tell her of my feelings. I was disappointed, I started walking down the yard, I was feeling burdened, burdened from the fears that were burning my mind from inside, preventing any clarity of mind, preventing any action. I kept on thinking what will happen if I said so, what if, what then, how. My mind was playing with me and heart was injured in this process. I crossed the yard, opened the door to my red mustang, sat in it and looked in the mirror seldom used to see the ones following you, the ones that stare at you, to look behind. I was just about to leave when I saw a taxi stopping behind me. My heart started beating fast, a miracle had just happened. She was there, coming out of the taxi, an Angel on earth, created with utmost precision and affection of the divine creatures. I could not stop myself, pushed myself out of my car, sprinted towards her and hugged her so tightly that I could feel her heartbeats, they were beating fast, synced with mine. A connection was established, tears rolled down my eyes, my eyes that kept on staring her. She was surprised, could not digest what had just happened. I saw the confusion in her eyes and explained everything whatever I wanted to tell her.

“ Before meeting you, I thought that world is a cruel place, a place where the ones those who wear masks, survive, people cannot be trusted, feelings are deceptive. I thought that I can only survive if I appear tough from outside, showed no feelings, lived my life alone. But the day I met you my life has changed. I have realized that even though the world is a cruel place, people cannot be trusted, but we are the ones that can allow it to hurt ourselves. I have started to live my life, listen to songs, dress well, help people. I could not say anything to you because I always thought that you are out of my league. You were so perfect. However, when I saw your message today, I realized what you mean to me. I do not want to you to leave because if you leave you will take along with you a part of my life that has been keeping me alive since the day I saw you. Please don’t do this to me.” There was silence. None of us could speak. I turned backwards and started to move to my car. “Hey mister “ she said. I turned towards her. She was crying. She ran towards me, jumped over me and hugged me. I was relieved, I was happy, I was reborn.

In life, we find people, we meet them, we get to know them, they fade away. This is an age old process and will continue forever. Sometimes we find people who we want to stay in our lives forever and this process requires an effort that has to be initiated at the earliest opportunity possible. Opposites attract but the other opposite is special, always remember that. The day we stop the effort to keep them in our lives, that day marks the fading away of those people from our lives. So, call your friend, make a cup of tea for your special someone, do the dishes for your mother, pay the bills for your father, play with your brother, talk, sing, celebrate, live and above of all- DO THE WORK.