Getting a haircut..😅

I have always wanted long hair since the time I could remember but was not courageous enough to ask my mother or my father if I could do it. Long hair=vagabonds, my father and mother had always thought and that keeping long hair would cause me to distract myself. So I went to the barber with my father every-time we had to take a haircut and we sat through whatever haircuts he would order the barber to cut. It was always, short hair, shorter than the last time. Haha. Me and my brother never questioned our father because we never had any time to think about the style of our hair. Whether it was school or any party, our hair was set by either my mother or my father. It was so that even today, my Nani asks if Harsh has started combing his own hair. Haha. Those were good times. But as school ended and I entered college, things started to change. I was still that innocent boy from school but everyone around me started to tell me things that were in their language off about me. For example, I would wear really lose clothes, so lose that my jeans appeared as track pants, I had hair so short that I didn’t need any combing most of the times, I dressed too simple. Getting into a college after a school is a completely different thing. For 17 years I had worn the same uniform everyday, except Tuesday and Friday that were Sports Day in my school. I never had to choose between how the clothes would match with one another or if they looked good on me. I never cared for how I looked because that wasn’t important for me. I remember on the first day of my college, it was the orientation day and I called my other friend to ask what we were to wear. Was there any dress-code or any uniform that we had to buy from a shop the college had recommended. I remember then asking my mother to take out clothes for me to wear that day. I was so nervous about the uniform that I kept on noticing the clothes of everyone around. That was new for me. Even frightening than the idea of a college. A college for me was another place to study. That was what I thought of what a college would be and also I had some ideas from the movie Main Hun Na. It had released some time back and I remember it vividly because that scene where Mr Shahrukh adjusts his hair and talks with his brother Mr Zayed Khan. I thought of college as a fun place. Moreover, Mr Zayed Khan had long hair in the movie which was also the factor I wanted long hair. Time passed and I adjusted through the college, made some friends and got involved in the daily routine. But now another challenge came up. Years of sitting at the table and no physical activity took a toll on my health and I was way too obese. I had adjusted myself to the usual mockery but maybe times had changed and I decided to do something about it. Six months and 24 kgs later I had transformed myself from this

To this….

I was much more confident than before and had started to grab some eyeballs. I now had started to get a haircut from the shops away from home. It was my friend who pushed me through it. I remember going in a Saloon my friend had recommended. The very formal setting of the saloon was new for me. I was greeted at the reception, then taken to the chair. Other person came to take me to wash my hair. I was clueless why he wanted to wash my hair before the haircut. I was taught that you always washed your hair after getting a haircut. He asked me to lie down on a sofa that had a washbasin attached to its other end. I lied down and the person started to wash my hair. He was kind enough to ask if the water wasn’t too hot or too cold. My hair was washed and I was taken to another sofa and the person who had to cut my hair came. He greeted me again and asked me what style I wanted. This was a big question and I remember looking back at my friend who was watching me. He quickly came near to me and said something to the barber and he started to cut it. The end result was pretty good and I was really excited. It was my first experience with such a costly haircut. That changed me. I still go there. Haha. The following was the result.

But still keeping long hair was a dream and still I wasn’t sure if I would be allowed in my home if i did something of that sort. Haha. However, I did start growing my hair. It was easy at first because I had to do nothing. They kept on growing and ai was involved in my daily classes. They grew to an extent then which was noticeable.

Some months later this came.

And then in some days as my parents left all hope of seeing me get a haircut, I thought why not give my beard a chance as well. Haha. I clicked this to see how bad I could look. Haha

I grew a little longer this than the one you see in the above picture. My parents had given up on me, my neighbours had started to ask me if I was growing my hair for some type of Mannat 😝😝 and my brother would pull my beard whenever he got the chance, mind you not the hair but the beard. Haha

The above two images were taken during my trip to Triund, a short trek from Mcleodganj, Himachal Pradesh. After coming back from this trip, I thought my affair with long hair had to go. Haha. I remember the face of mother and my father when I got a haircut. My mother kissed my forehead many times as if her boy had met her after a long time. Haha. The barber who was cutting my hair asked me atleast thrice if I wanted my hair that small, a picture I had showed him the way i wanted my hair. After a gap of about 3 years I took a haircut and it looked like this.

Everyone was delighted especially my parents. Haha. I kept this haircut for another year and then started growing them again. Haha. But this time it wasn’t so long. This is the most recent image. I kept growing them for six months straight.

But took a haircut this Friday, it was a little too fashionable for me. But I am glad I got it. This time again my barber who has been my barber for four years now, asked me the same. Bhaiya you want it so short. But this time he asked me once. Haha

I know many people who had started to read this post must have left a long time ago because it might come to some as I am boasting off. That’s an opinion and I respect all opinions. I have grown to acknowledge the opinions that come from other people that have made me grow as a person. Had I been full of ignorance the opinions would have never changed me. I have always respected the positive and negative comments that I have faced during my time. Sometimes some were too overwhelming for me but I have learnt which one to let me affect. I used to believe in inertia, that a person cannot change the situation that they are in and was too comfortable in that respective situation. However, the outside force, the society has been driving force for all my transformations. I am still pretty much the same boy who had left his school for college. I respect every being, love those who love me but still changed and still transforming. The growth process is organic. It learns from the environment around you, gives you feedback and may turn you into someone you can look up to or someone you might be scared from. The choice sometimes is ours, sometimes choices are forced on us. But generally the choices you take afterwards matter. The choices you would take the first time when you are presented with a situation. Should I help that elderly who is facing troubles changing a tyre in the middle of the road, should I raise my voice in an argument, will calling my server sir lower down my respect. The choice eventually lies with you and you will be the one who will have to live with the results, whether good or bad. Everything here what you have read are my way of telling you that it’s okay to be obese, to be not satisfied with your current situation because opportunities will come to you once you choose to let them in your lives. I had a choice to be obese for the rest of my life. I took a decision and implemented it. However, some days would come when you wouldn’t want to follow your dreams. Take rest in those days. Whatever weight I had lost I gained back again due to stress and many other factors. I had loosened my guard. And it’s perfectly fine because at the end we still are humans and humans make mistakes. I am still working on my other transformation but yes this time I am a lot more body positive than before. Believe me when I say this, if you believe that your body is changing it will change. I have lost 8 kgs in one month with this mindset and of course lots of exercise and diet.

So what was the motive of this post?

I just wanted to tell you, you are okay, you are perfect, the world is a twisted place. Don’t believe everything you hear or see. Try to trust your guts they are your most helpful friends. Don’t stop working on yourself. Try to find happiness in small things because that’s what I really do. Food from five star hotel may not sometimes satisfy you than a ₹5 burger from a stall you think is highly unhygienic. Trust me you’ll lose that extra pound, get that dream job or find a loving partner(I say this even for most of my life I have been single and still single. Haha. 😂😂) as long as you are working. Even if it means a step a day or crawling slowly. Nothing matters, what others opine about you or even what you think of yourselves. Once you start working on yourself everything will fall into background. This process mind you, is very addictive. You may leave it for sometime but eventually you will come back.

If I were to go back to that nervous Harsh back 9 years, the first day of his college, I would hug him and tell him that he will be okay. Each act of kindness creates a ripple in the sands of time that will stand the test of every sin committed or will be committed. I will tell him that it’s okay to not be a part of the herd and think differently. It’s okay not to disrespect someone for fun or litter even when no one’s watching. I would tell him to forgive himself for any mistakes he had committed or will commit but will tell him to learn from them, try to implement them in his life. Be kind to others but start with yourself. And most of all, I’ll ask him to find joy wherever he is at, trust in the process and that he will soon meet wonderful people that will become his family. Have faith.

And for those of you who have very kindly read till the last, please leave a comment. I would love to talk with you. 😇

With lots of love,

Kumar Harsh

Heal

How do you save a soul that’s trying to harm itself,
You listen to the desires deep that have burned for eternities,
The voices shut, muted, strangulated in their sweet sleep,
You ask if the things that keep them up at night will bring them peace,
Once they had their days with them,
The memories, traumas and expectations of millionth scope,
Walk with them when they see no reason to see the Sun,
Energy escapes them and they look for crevices to hide,
Soiled, cold and filled with rotting blood,
They find comfort in disgrace,
Embarrassment is their phobia,
Heights have amazed them,
Darkness their friend,
Bring them flowers filled with scents of the sky,
Ice creams that fill up their bellies with butterflies,
They don’t know when was the last time they had a candlelit dinner,
An opera just for them,
So how do you really save a soul that wants to harm itself,
This world no longer of their use,
The food doesn’t entice their tongues,
The warmth of the skin shrivels their mind,
You love them,
Just like a being loves another being,
Just like the Moon loves the Sun,
It burns due to the Sun,
Enlightens the dark with its presence,
A soul identifies with just the energy,
And it attaches itself to it,
You love them until they begin to love themselves,
And maybe love them beyond,
Piece by piece,
Atom by atom,
They heal,
A soul will eventually heal…..