My first love…..

My mother lives in a dream,
Everyday she wakes up,
She watches me run for her ankles,
For they bleed of her smiles,
That she lost while bringing food for me,
Only to create castles in stone,
The foundation of which her desires,
I will always be her prince,
The one true worthy of her love magnanimous,
But I sometime wake up,
From slumbers of years,
The inertia that pulls me down,
And growls at me when I wear my shoes,
I work with all the force thats left in me,
For I want her smile never to fade,
And widen with each passing day,
She will be the first love,
Always be and till the eternities,
Till I can remember,
And do the stars,
The castle she etched in stone,
And the dreams she cast in thrones…..

My eyes shall always see,
The hero of my dreams,
The one that carried me in his arms,
And took me to places high,
I rode his shoulders,
And sometimes his heels,
I was his princess and will always be,
He brought me daisies, tea pots and ponies of wood,
The little escapades away from the school,
And cried when my heart broke alongwith the doll,
He carried me and my dreams,
On his shoulders wider than the world,
He will be my love the first,
The one who could never break my heart…..

For a boy his mother is and will always be his first love. The one who understood him even before he could say anything. She cared for him when he wasn’t easy and when he might have taken her for granted. No one can replace that position. A mother will never ask anything in return. Just a smile and her day is made.

For a girl, her father is and will always be her first love, her hero, her prince charming. She will always measure the amount of love that she gets from the world by how her father portrayed for her. No one can love a girl more than her father because he never expected anything from her.

From my experience, if both the partners can understand this simple fact, life would be so much easier for them. A girl can never take the place of her partner’s mother and a boy can never love a girl the way her father did. They can only try to replicate what they get from each other and if one is lucky, maybe she gets a man raised by a queen and he gets a girl honed by a lion. Just respecting, taking each other’s parents as their own will do the trick. Together they write the perfect love story, imperfect though perfect. Loyalty comes from both ways and it stays if we work for it, put in effort, sometimes easy as saying that I love you and sometimes difficult when the real, true face without any masks, any mascara, uncensored, real comes knocking you out. But we stay, for our mothers and fathers taught us, good things come when you work for them. Rome wasn’t built in a day….

Me with my mother..

Demons…

I don’t need words,
For words sometimes betray the meaning,
My inhibitions carry in their belly,
Mixed with scenes of confusion,
They belch out my insecurities among people,
That pretend to know me,
And mock the serenity that seldom touches my chest,
I would for a moment want the coherence of my mind with my body,
My fingers shake as they kiss the paper,
Drenched in sweat of my vulnerabilities,
The slow poison that visits me at night,
Sometimes even in the light of day,
And I put on a mask,
A suit perfect,
Bvlgari in my neck and wrists,
I face my demons,
For they are my very own…..

Speak out

Talk to me and speak out,
I see rivers as they are,
And the valleys that deepen,
For I’ll be the same for you,
Clear as sky,
And smooth as the Gin,
The strings that pull us,
Together sometimes,
Might break us apart,
If they aren’t plucked often,
For they lose their tension,
And maintain status quo,
Communication is the key,
To the already thick padlock of emotions,
We keep buried inside ourselves,
For the world to see us brave,
Stronger than the rock,
I promise I’ll be weak for you,
Spill the beans of things that go wrong,
Or the ones that gives me wings,
For I want you to stay forever,
With me in my arms,
Talk to me and speak out,
As I listen and maybe smile or cry along….

Talking to myself….

I often speak to myself,
My voice for sometimes brings me warmth,
Shuns away the silences of the night,
The tragedies that were averted,
And those which bespoke a thousand words,
The fire in my chest that palpitates my heart,
And the shiver that often runs down my spine,
For my voice sometimes brings me a relief,
The rat race, the hurdles in my way,
They for a moment diminish,
As my voice calms my inner inhibitions,
Sometimes it turns musical,
I sing for the empty furniture,
The ukulele vibrates in my frequency,
But I am not alone,
It was my voice with me even in my mother’s womb,
My voice that sometimes crashes my mind,
And calms me down to sleep,
And serenades poetry that I sometimes scribble,
For this world or sometimes just my own eyes,
It’s possible, maybe even true or known for a fact,
Sounds cannot travel in vacuum,
I believe in somethings sometimes,
If not words, the frequency or even the pitch,
Sound definitely travels over plasmas of faith,
And touch chords of you, of me or even the inanimate,
The sound of me is sometimes my foci,
For I get lost too much in my ravines,
When people sometimes notice a peculiar me,
Oh yes, I often speak to myself….

My first try with the song Tu Jo Mila from the movie Bajrangi Bhaijaan…

Accelerate…

I put my car in sixth gear,
Engine screaming at its peak,
The wind desperate to get inside the cabin,
Hissing past every speed-alert,
I know it’s unsafe,
Driving recklessly,
On a highway that doesn’t go anywhere,
Had some exits many kilometres back,
My muscles, they stay locked in position,
For they think they have control,
My body rolls with every turn,
Every speed breaker, pothole that comes my way,
And as my car blinks for the fuel that isn’t enough,
I release my foot off the accelerator,
Slowing down, looking at the grasslands,
Admiring the beauty that didn’t ever stumble upon me,
A small bump comes up on the highway,
My senses come back to me,
And I accelerate,
For one last time…..

Drunk

I am drunk and won’t call you today,
For my fingers reach my phone,
And I see your pictures,
My memories tingle my senses dead,
Your lips drive me crazy as they did before,
Soaked in your nectar sweet,
I would rip off your shirts as I did before,
And caress the deserts hit by drought,
Talk to you about your day,
Or the parts of your body that drive me insane,
And kiss you again for I want to love you,
Give myself and more to you,
But I stop as my mind plays games with me,
I cannot think anything but the thought of making love to you,
My stomach full of feelings kept in for too long,
But I look at your pictures,
And imagine the things I would do to you,
The alcohol keeps me sane these days,

जाम….

मत पूछो ये हाल मेरा,
है थामा ऐसा जाम मैंने,
की सच बोल गया तो,
उतर जाएँगे ये चेहरे सुनहरे,
आज चुप हूँ तो शायद देख रहे हो तुम भी,
कल जो बोल पड़ा इस मेहफ़िल में तुम्हारी,
फिर कहाँ छुपाओगे वो दाग गहरे…..

Do not ask for how I am,
My glass holds a wine dear,
This mouth if calls a name true,
Shine will shy away from faces white,
You look at me for I am mum,
My lips if will spill the secrets in your gala spectacular,
Scars will follow till the memories testify….

Company of Women…..

I seek the company of women,
The swaying of the earth,
And the wobble of the ground,
Distances mean nothing to me,
I feel warmth through the air,
Lust, thirst or the ache in my body,
The slow movement of blood,
Rises to my temple,
A woman does that to you,
Or maybe something invisible,
The dire need of the hour,
Rock solid her foundations,
She carries royalty in her palanquin,
Her body her abode,
Her mind her greatest power,
She can scorch the fields with her eyes,
Or calm the oceans with her touch,
I seek the company of women,
For they destroy you or build you again,
Fortunate are you if both are one,
Its the meek those sometimes think they can dominate her,
Foolish, ignorant, unaware,
For she lets one handle her,
Channel her energy,
Royalty resides in her every fabric,
And thunders in her nails,
Eyes of perversion rarely see,
The perils that invade her,
On days that aren’t kind to her,
As she fights silently with the criminals,
Other than those which frequent her,
But still each day brings sunshine,
The fortunate ones to know her,
For she keeps secret in her heart,
The world couldn’t bear to know,
They say to know a woman is to know the universe,
How true it seems,
Proliferation starts from her womb,
And ends in her navel,
I seek the company of women,
To be a part of their ascent to clouds,
The endless flight in speed of light,
As they guide me through the galaxies unseen…….

Reality….

The birds chirp and announce the start of the day,
As you slowly open the drapes,
And rays of Sun turn you golden,
Magical, splendid, like a work of art,
Exquisite only for me,
The wind plays with your hair,
Gently, not to disturb the sheer randomness that they are in,
My eyes absorbing this very moment,
Standing by the window sill, you look to infinity,
Maybe a thought that crossed your mind,
And you bite your lips,
A nerve here turned numb,
My eyes focus on you,
Those lips that speaks volumes,
Soft, like a feather,
That sometimes caresses my hardwood floors,
Brings them floods and warmth,
Of something celestial, godly, natural,
I hold on to this moment, this sensation,
My words a travesty to what you create,
Everyday as you kiss me morning,
And call my name,
I smile as reality seems mesmerising,
As reality is you…..

Hold on…..

As I lay down in my bed,
My head spinning faster than the clock,
The ceiling mocks me, Jibes at me,
Dust falling on my forehead,
The posters hung on my wall,
And pictures of places I’ve been to,
People that stayed,
And those moved on,
Sigh for they know what helplessness does to you,
How attachment breeds forests that catch fire,
On the slightest getaway,
It too flutters some words through cracks on itself,
Stories that remind me of earthquakes brutal,
When rain came inside my room,
And the bed turned to a trench,
Like a sinking pothole without a bottom,
Layers of humus covering my head,
Mushrooms on my skin,
The walls sometimes cave down on me,
As anxiety kicks in,
Or maybe something stranger to me,
The person in the mirror a stranger to me,
I detest this stranger,
Sometimes want to embrace him,
Let him cry on my shoulder,
As I listen, nod sometimes, maybe give a cup of tea,
For something to hold on to,
As night engulfs the room,
And dogs howl at night,
The mind numbs, wants to sleep,
I try to close my eyes,
The spinning stops somedays,
And the throat of the ceiling dries away,
My bed becomes hard like the forest floor,
The skin grows roots,
And I hold on,
For the Sun is few hours away…..

Neon Signs….

Neon signs and shady lanes,
Money exchanging hands,
Through bodies of remorse,
Empty stomachs, pale eyes,
The Mistress of inebriety,
Dancing to the tunes of helplessness,
Addiction, hopes or desire of clear skies,
Its the streets like these that breeds the sewage,
The opulent sometimes like to think so,
As the rotting sight of flesh and skin disgusts them,
For they have hearts of glass,
That break on sights of the Sun rising over Mars,
And their veins burst with blood green,
The days are merciful to these streets,
As light brings them hope,
Shuns away despair and the gobbling eyes,
For no one wants to be recognised in places such as these,
Love springs as the neon signs turn off,
And the routine, the one accepted starts,
Driver, receptionist or a student struggling to study,
Their sky is often red,
Chewed, mulched and spewn on streets like these,
They breathe the same air,
Sometimes eat the food as ours,
Blue collar or a collar white,
Their money is often tainted,
Or it appears so,
The night as it comes again to these streets,
Dressed in make-up bad,
Clothes cheap,
They venture to the streets,
As the neon signs light their way,
And sobriety shies away…..

Smoke….(explicit)

She burned through the night,
As he slowly disobeyed her every rule,
Drinking the nectar of passion,
Soaked in sweat sweet,
He let her fall,
And turned her on again,
Losing breaths here and after,
They stopped for a sip of water,
And a puff of cigarette,
The air intoxicated as well,
The flicker of the bulb too,
Annihilation seemed inevitable now,
But she, she wanted more……

I ask for your consent…..

Let me for a day,
Fill your valleys with roses pink,
The land dried without warmth,
A drought of million years,
And sow the seeds of love,
For the soil can still bear fruits,
I like to believe so,

Let me take you to the other side,
The Sun never sets,
Moon in its admiration each day,
And rub some celestial dust,
Your wings clipped before you could sail,
Powerful enough to carry mountains,
I can see them unfurl,

Let me kiss you slowly,
For deserts sometimes sigh in relief,
As rain seldom touches their facade,
Filled with sand, their hearts beat irregularly,
Earthquakes in their belly,
They can create oceans or mountains,
I plant mangoes in rows,

Let me close your eyes,
And bring you the news far of the north,
The things that escape your eyes,
Your vision I become,
The curves on your body,
And those behind your veils,
I etch my dreams on your skin,

Talk to me as I try to hold your hands,
Corrosion was not merciful,
And the storms didn’t settle,
For I’ll be your escape into imaginary,
Turning them to reality my only goal,
Let me bring you flowers,
I ask only for your consent….

Trying my hands at digital drawing…

Memory….

Drifting aimlessly through furrows of my past,
If someday I get lost,
Call my name with all the love you got,
For anything less wouldn’t reach my heart,
Breathe the winds slowly and moist,
The warmth will drive the frost away,
And sing me lullabies as I become deaf,
Melodies mixed with a tumbler of blood,
The dry veins and the sunken lungs,
I will if not today reach you someday,
Feet burning, stubble in a disarray,
The rivers, they carry my body,
Tries to sink but stays afloat,
I will if not today see you someday,
Meet you over plantations of coffee,
To bury the scents of my crimes,
Take my hand, do not refuse,
And guide me to the lights supreme,
For I am lost or will be soon,
Is it today or tomorrow or a year ago,
I will find you someday,
Lest my memory doesn’t betray…..

Dam

For centuries the dam had held in the water,
Standing tall, Majestic, Strong,
The storm came with pebbles small,
And struck the dam in ways unimaginable,
Water now above its flood point,
As she struck him with a smirk obscure,
Sluice gates to his heart opened,
Villages destroyed on the way down,
Cracked at places the dam went weak,
For small lavenders grew in its crevices,
The storm, she filled his reservoirs,
With waters of seven heavens,
His senses, mind, consciousness,
All went numb,
As he tried to close the gates to the dam,
He forgot he had any control…..

Act Divine….

Hello there, the following is something I am trying my hands at and maybe the first one I have made public. This maybe a little too sensitive for the readers who still aren’t adult. My apologies for the same. Please skip this if you aren’t an adult. Thank You. May you enjoy reading.

Cruising along her highways green,
He had stumbled upon a cave,
The cave littered with the orbs ancient,
Pieces of her heart buried along milestones,
For long her highway was used,
Travellers stopped and proceeded,
Looked and used,
Never to return,
Never to repair,
He slowly stopped himself,
Onto the entrance pristine,
As he had thought,
For him the cave was a sanctuary,
Away from reality,
Nirvana, Moksha, Tranquility,
As he kissed her caves,
Her moist lips,
Soft, sunken, taken for granted,
Clouds brought thunderstorm with them,
Flooded with the first rain,
Their kiss seemed an oasis,
Magma had started to flow,
Taking over them,
Taking over her snowy, igneous body,
Unloved, unkempt, uneven,
Centuries passed in a whiplash,
Entangled in one another,
They slowly unraveled each other,
As she became a Chimera,
And he learnt to tame her,
Only for that moment,
He took off her vegetation,
And his asphalt,
As they lay disrobed,
In arms of one another,
The heat had risen to celsius in thousands,
His lengths concealed in her Volcanoes,
Intertwined together for eternities,
They made love to one another,
And filled the valleys with rivers,
That reflected the colour of their skies,
Blue and red,
Eons had passed as they moved from galaxies to galaxies,
And the hustling of their riveting parts,
They stopped when their cores ran dry,
And Happiness in their eyes,
Her caves were explored,
And his curiosity satisfied,
Lying naked in arms of one another,
They looked at the stars,
Witness to their act divine,
They smiled and nodded in acknowledgment,
As he watched her,
And she turned his head towards him,
Again their act had begun,
For her navel carried secrets,
He hadn’t explored,
His lengths knew stories,
She had never heard…..

Happiness….

Happiness comes easy to me,
The wind in my face,
The fragrance of the food,
Slow songs that make me wanna Waltz,
Driving on roads,
Nowhere to go,
For sometimes I wear a mask,
To hide my hideousness,
Disgusting even for me,
The claws that bury deep in my skin,
Blood clotted and flows again, 
When I see the stars my eyes sparkle,
Gravity doesn’t pull them down,
They support planets,
I see birds that chase,
Dreams they see,
The food for mind, body and heart,
And I smile as the Sun comes up,
For it lights the day,
The Sunflowers kiss him each day,
I sometimes take off my mask,
And shred off the skin,
Burnt from the pathos of time,
Look in the mirror sometimes,
To unclutter my hair,
And I smile for me, 
For nobody else, 
And do not disguise the scars on my face,
For they are my very own, 
The lips seldom cheer up,
The cheeks laugh, 
I smile for me,
And for nobody else,
Happiness comes easy to me,
Like an endless freefall……..