A family of 1000

Its been five years since my journey of blogging had started. An amazing ride full of all emotions, met so many spectacular people here. Its a privilege to be a part of the blogging community.

Thank you all the 1000 family members. This was not possible without your love and support.

I may not be a regular. But you always pull me back.

Thank you!

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The Perfect Dish

How do you know this the perfect relationship?
The young asked the elder while they prepared the dinner.
This needs some more pepper,
The elder said as she tasted the soup,
Will you be a doll and pass me some? She had politely asked her,
You see dear,
Relationships are like cooking,
There  might be days you create something awful,
Or days when you feel like there’s nothing in the world quite like this,
Sometimes you might feel something is missing in your preparation,
Or you may feel that you overdid it,
But you see dear,
Every dish you make,
Every new recipe you try,
There would come a day,
You’ll find the best balance between all the ingredients in your dish,
Maybe it is too spicy for someone else’s liking,
Or too blant for some other,
But remember it is perfect for you,
The one that races your heart on fire,
The best drug of all time,
And calms the storms inside you,
Brings you home,
Makes you smile at the smallest of all things,
All at once,
Remember dear whenever this happens,
Its perfect for you,
But as all masterpieces take time and trust and respect and energy to build,
A dish requires the same,
We all are artists in some way or the other,
She smiled as she poured the soup in bowls,
Take this one to your grandfather,
She said,
He likes it hot,
She had smirked…..

Saying goodbye to an old friend

It was the summer of 1999 and my summer vacations had just started. I was naive back then, had no idea of what was going around me. But could sense excitement when it spurred, especially in my parents. My parents on one fine day asked me to get ready to go somewhere and I got up with enthusiasm and curiosity to prepare myself. My brother was quite young back then and my parents decided to leave him with my grandmother at home. Ashok uncle had come to our house that day and I started to play with him. My parents got ready and we took off from our home. We took a rickshaw and reached the place. To my surprise it was a car dealership. My excitement knew no bounds and I jumped with happiness. In it we went and there were all kinds of shiny cars. The green one, the red one and the sweet smell of new rubber. My parents were greeted by the salesperson who brought them a brochure of their most successful car- The Maruti 800. The elders got busy and I went around the showroom to explore the cars. Everything was so shiny and so new. I remember sitting in every seat of the car and then the driver seat. The driver seat was something else. My hands could barely fit the steering wheel but I imagined it to be so much more. I imagined so much more back then. Captain Vyom had just started to get famous and I was stunned by it. I was intrigued by the stories they showed and the effects they used.

My Maruti was my Spaceship and I was the partner of Captain Vyom.

I tilted the steering in every way possible with all my force and steered it across the galaxy fighting the ugly aliens. I was the Galaxy’s Protector. I was interfered by mother who called me back to her. She told me that the one in white would be ours. I was ecstatic. The salesperson even took me to the car where it was being prepared. It was being washed and I remember how the light falling on it created a rainbow. I could see my spaceship prepare for flight. The formalities were complete by the end of the day and we bid our goodbyes to the dealership. My father didn’t know how to drive so it was my uncle who took the steering wheel. I sat in the front touching everything that was ours. We reached the home where my grandmother was ready with a coconut and lots of molly or red ribbon. She applied a tika on the car, tied a molly to the steering wheel and my father cracked the coconut in front of the car. Everyone was so happy and why wouldn’t they be, it was the first car in the family!

It was treated like a family member and even a single scratch would make my father run for repairs. My brother and I always played inside it. Sometimes he would be a driver and I would sit at the back and sometimes vice versa. We played for hours inside until my mother would come and grab us by the ear.

It went with us wherever we went and has travelled the same cities we have lived. The model we owned didn’t have an air conditioning system as the time of buying it was out of our budget. I remember spending afternoons of summer, sweating profusely in the blazing heat of the North Indian summer but never did we complain because whatever happened our car was our pride. It showed us what hardwork and determination brought you. It tells you to appreciate, prepares you for future, makes you respect your roots.

I remember not much of my childhood but this car is something which has so many memories attached to it. It has seen all the good and the bad days and stood by us like a friend would, like family would.

I have always termed myself a practical man. Not believing in anything that has not been perceived. Writing this story gave me another perspective of me. I am a lot emotional that I thought I was and the best part is that I am not ashamed of it. What is a man without emotions, without the respect of things that has touched his life.

Being sensitive I think is a gift because the day we stop thinking about anyone except us, humanity would die.

Our 800 took care of us, shielded us from the rain and the elements of weather and has served us for almost two decades. It deserved this. It deserved a teary eyed goodbye.

City…..

As alcohol went inside his veins,
Slowly blurring the excellent vision he had,
Deepening the sense of judgment,
He still drove away,
Away from the excitement of the city,
Away from the scars of the life he couldn’t call his own,
The lit brothels that sometimes brought him satisfaction,
The gory eyes of all those who had expected something from him,
The lights on his car scurring along the curves of the road,
The loud music that had somehow concealed the havoc inside his heart that he had lost track of,
He stopped alongside the road,
Winded down the windows so that he could feel the cold wind on his skin,
And closed his eyes to feel what it was like to be alive,
Took out a cigarette that he had brought from tiny hands,
First puff, second puff, last cigarette,
The stars seem a lot closer than before,
He told himself,
Sat down on the edge of the cliff,
You win today, he cried out loud,
Got up,
But tomorrow shall be mine,
He said while moving back to the same city he had escaped from,
Alcohol had brought him to his senses……..

Who is your God? 

God, the mighty creator of the world. The one force we all look upon to guide the drowning ship of our lives to paradise,  The one we wish things to become reality, the one we adore, the one we respect, the one we fear. Is God a being, a force or something else? 

Some days ago in the night around 11 my father’s phone rang. A patient he had operated in the day had gone serious. My father told us this and said that he had to go see the patient. He was too tired so I went along with him and took the steering wheel. Our house is about 15 kms from the hospital so it took us sometime to reach. It was cold so my father ordered me to come along with him. We parked the car and went inside. The family of the patient was already too stressed as I could see. My father was calm and asked them not to worry. His junior came upto him running and they started talking something I had no idea about. I took a seat in the hallway. There was silence there except the occasional phone call that the family was receiving. People were sleeping on the floor, some were sitting on the chairs talking maybe about themselves or maybe the people that they had in mind. There were people who brought cups of tea for the family that was present there, some even shared a laughter on a newspaper clipping, while some indulged themselves in heavy doses of self proclaimed nationalism. I was fast falling asleep as I had a sumptuous dinner and the tiredness of the day was getting to me. I closed my eyes and slept only to be woken up by my phone. My mother had called me to inquire what had happened. I slept for two straight hours! I told her that my father was still in the operation theatre. Time passed, slowly for the family of the patient. After six hours he came out. The family was curious about the condition of their beloved. They encircled him and were curiously listening to him. 

He will be okay.” he said and all of them had a smile on their faces. One very young man almost the same age as me came upto him and said, “Sir, if you were not here, I would have lost my father. You are our God.” he came and touched my father’s feet. The whole family followed suit. He didn’t like and tried to resist but he was overshadowed by their love. 

He will wake up in the noon. Take care of him. And I am just a normal being. I just did my job. ” he said and asked for permission to leave. He came upto me and said,”  Sorry Son you had to wait because of me.” “No problem Papa. I had my sleep.” I said. 

We went to the car while he talked to his juniors and briefed them about what had to be done. I started driving and he slept on the seat next to me. We reached home, it was the crack of dawn. He went in his room and slept. I went to my room and immediately dozed off. I woke up after sometime to check on him. He was already at his work back at the hospital. 

This whole incident did something to me. 

God, the mighty creator of the world. The one force we all look upon to guide the drowning ship of our lives to paradise,  The one we wish things to become reality, the one we adore, the one we respect, the one we fear. Is God a being, a force or something else? 

Life began on earth some 3.8 billion years ago. It was rather simple, single celled organisms that had first made earth their habitat. More complex forms of life followed to the present, now forms of life we see all around. At the start of human life, it was mainly dedicated to gathering and hunting for food. Their day would start with the Sun and would end with the Sun. Survival was the sole purpose of their lives. The invention of fire brought a new horizon to the then humans, who before fire were living just like their other animals counterparts. Eating raw. Fire allowed them to cook and their play with food began. Fire also allowed them to be awake in the night as now they had their own Portable Sun. Done with the daily agenda of the day(in this case hunting, gathering, eating) they would have sat and tried to have a conversation (although understanding their language would be very difficult, I shall try to, with improvisations on their language. 😉 ). 

Man 1– hoo hahaa jrr hohoho heee ha. 
(bro, I think we need to clear the cave of the  big rocks) 
Man 2– okokok wiii ka napa  kaaaa hoo.
(It takes a lot of time. And my wife wanted me to get her a new leopard  hide. It’s new fashion.) 
Man 1– eeeee vaaa nnaa. 
(oh bro I understand. I’ll think of something. Don’t get eaten up bro.) 

Those big blocks of stones couldn’t have been moved if not for the invention of wheel. With wheel, men, material, ideas and ideologies traveled to far off places and humans would have felt that they want to do something other than just gathering, hunting and eating. There would have been times when they would fear something. The roary weather, lighting or days when they couldn’t find food, faced an issue with health or lost someone they adored. That’s when they would have started to believe in something that existed not among them -a power that would help them when they sought out to it. Something undefined, supernatural. They would have prayed to it and the weather would have cleared, naturally or they might have found a dead animal to eat or a simple vomit would have cured them. They would have attributed this to some extraordinary power as they would have thought it responded to their grievances. 

A saying from a mouth reaches the other ear with the many additions from every ear it enters. Just the way the concept of God would have come into existence. God is the Creator, Destroyer of the world. He is omniscient, omnipotent, eternal, universal and absolute. He created man in his image. God is this universe. He has created this world. Everyone ends up in God. He punishes you for your sins. He will cast you to Hell if you don’t respect his disciples. He  watches over you. God is ultimate. God is true.

Where is God? More importantly what is God? 

Experiments of man with the God brought up the many traditions we see around. The growth of all ideas, the spectacular structures we see around, the rich heritage, the scrolls, the books, art and what not. Even birth of  Science can be attributed to the concept of God. God is the universe. The process of Thesis and Antithesis brought many changes and many developments to the now grown tree of knowledge which once was an unplanted seed. 

Philosophers of all times and ages have tried defining God. But what I think, God is subjective. He or she or maybe it,  varies from person to person, place to place, time to time. 

Human tendency is such that we tend to put the blame of our problems or sticky situations to sometimes destiny or maybe sometimes the God. We try finding a source of happiness, an approval to our actions by attributing those actions as the will of someone supreme, God. Think this. How many times have you thanked the God for a wonderful day or a wonderful meal that’s on your plate. How many times have you asked him to absolve you from your sins, your sickness. 

For the people who don’t believe in God, this concept is really termed as amusing. As how can people trust someone or something they can’t even see or perceive. They believe in the moment, pleasure although not only physical pleasure but a more happiness causing one,  being their only motive. People like Carvaka who dared to think this in the 6th century were looked down upon and were mocked, even prosecuted by the self proclaimed disciples of God. 

If God had existed and if he was the one just and loving, why would he want something he had created to perish. If he wanted them to let them live on his conditions, why would he had given each of us an independent mind, different body structures, capabilites and talents. Don’t you think world would be mundane place with all the similarities? 

Sometimes in my home, when my mother recites a hymn or reads to me a scripture considered auspicious, I just listen, to admire the  amount of work the writer had put in. My parents know that when they would ask me to bow down in front of the statues in temples, I may refuse because they know I am little too logical. But I don’t revolt because as I did say already. Concept of God is purely subjective. I do that just to please them. I would be highly dishonest if I say that I am not frightened or sometimes I am not down, needing a ray of hope. Those are the times I seek some force to calm my inner self. Music, writing, my pen is a big relief in times such as these. But the best medicine is the image of my parents and my brother that just creates an explosion in my mind. A very happy explosion that just casts away all the darkness.

My conversations with God are an extended version of my conversations with myself for I believe if God was to exist, he would have existed in every atom of the universe. When I am down, I curse myself to be in that situation for that much time. I believe in the present. Past as an instrument to mock someone would be wasting the precious moment. Nobody knows what conditions lead to something or the other and above all who are we to judge a person by their past. If past had to be used as an argument, Ravan, the highly intelligent, the wise and the mighty wouldn’t have gathered a more maligned image than the one he has in Ramayan. 

Whenever joy, my still to grow Labrador sleeps, I see his legs moving, sometimes he barks at objects in his sleep. What would he dream of? Who would his God be? The answer would become very clear the next day when he in the morning seeing my mother move, he jumps on her and wakes her up. His universe is our home. His God is mortal. 


My faith in God dwindled when I saw my grandmother dying infront of me. She was the strongest woman I had seen. Medical science had lost hope. To God I turned. And then she went away from me. 

We all are mortals. We will turn to soil someday. Why waste time in believing in something that doesn’t exist? That’s what I thought. 

But then God is purely subjective. I may sound as an atheist. Not believing in the will of God and the theory of karma or anything else. But I seek positive vibes which everything or anything or any person gives out. I find solace in the peaceful surroundings of a temple that is perfect for meditation, to have a conversation with yourself, to listen to yourself. I am fond of these places because of the energy they give out. People say that karma exists and that you will reap what you sow. But I believe why should one think of things that they have already done. Nothing can be done about it. The only thing that matters is how you act in the present which definitely should be done to avoid the mistakes done earlier.  Do good not to please anyone but to come home after a long day of work and be able to look in the mirror. The world doesn’t care what have you done or what will you do. They all have problems of their own. But the only person that matters the most is the one person in the mirror. Do good things so that you don’t get to say, I could have done that thing or I could have been an agent of change.

Be the change you want to see in the world. 

Now the question this article asks. Who is your God?

My answer is quite simple. I don’t think except my parents and my brother anyone or any God  can give anything more. So for me, every day to whom I come back home to, they are my God. And that’s the religion I will always follow. 

If you are ready to answer, go ahead. Ask yourself. 

Who is your God? 


For you!

10 minutes of a sweet pie… 

I picked up the phone. 
Something was to be done about the many thoughts going in my mind. 
I dialed the number and waited for her to pick it up. 
For the first time I talked and she listened. 
I told her everything, she listened patiently. 
My mind was now clear of all thoughts. 
She spoke in a voice so sweet.
And I was immediately happy. 
A voice so beautiful, I had a chance to hear. 
She then said, in that sweet voice, a sweet pie. 
Your internet connection will be soon restored. Thank you for calling the customer care. I hope you have a wonderful day. 

It was a dream come true. 
Truly….

Hello There…!!!

I have never done this kind of post before and I think it’s high time I do one. (Or I’ll keep on procrastinating this.)

Hi, I am Kumar Harsh. I am a Civil Engineer (Although an Accidental One ;-)) and currently trying my hand at everything ( I guess 22 previous years were a rather mundane one). Serious writing came to me when one day a friend of mine suggested me to start a blog and here I am. wp_002098

I have lived at many places ( owing to the God’s Plan to not let me settle at a place) which has made me like every place and I have a rather wandering spirit. I have seen places which I had dreams of and places where entry was restricted( almost making me run for my life. haha). My love for trying out new things have made my room a collection of many things (including a number of books which I haven’t yet read).  I used to be a chubby kid once( I still am but a little less than before. haha) then I got into a gym and the rest is History.(Miracles Happen! haha) It was the gym that made me develop some good habits that made me control my eating habits(Although I still can finish an entire pizza by myself and still be hungry for more. My soul feeds on Junk food. But more particularly food.) The first thing I tried to learn was Bhangra( An Indian Form of dance.) It was a fun exercise. Also I took some classes Of Salsa( But my fear of the Other gender made me abstain from it.) It was the first time I ever held the hand of a girl.(Yes, I admit. I am still terrible with people other than of the same gender as me. 😦 )

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And then I wanted to learn a new language and I did it. I am addicted to some brands and more of a brand person loyal to a particular brand. Be it clothes, accessories or even cameras, if I love one brand nothing comes in my way. But I am always open to trying out new things.

Recently me and my friend, we got a liking for Tennis and let me tell you its an amazing game. Although I am not a master but I love playing it.

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I also have a penchant for driving and have driven sometimes even a complete day. But the only requirement is that Music should be playing loud in the background. Oh and by music, music is my second love( first would be food because without food i cannot function). At Home, I have a variety of instruments ranging from a violin, a guitar, flutes, tabla and I am in talks with the High Command( In this case my father) to get a harmonium or a piano.

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You all must be wondering why I have attached so many pictures of me in this post. Well I wanted you people to see what the power of change can do (just kidding, it looked cool. haha)

These are some of the transformations I tried on myself. The last ones were really difficult. I feared of being thrown out of the house. My parents don’t consider me as their son. I am now of a religion different as them.(That’t what they say when I go with them for any function) But I am really stubborn and do things any way.

so,this was a little of me. You’ll find more on the journey with me.

Leave a comment below. I am sure we must have something in common. Who knows we might click. As I did with so many wonderful people I found here. 🙂

 

Thank You for all the love and support. Without YOU this was not possible.

 

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See that hot chick, she gave me a hint.

As I prepared to get on a busy Metro train after a tiring day at work I saw an extremely beautiful woman standing next in the line to me. My friend was standing along with me and he looked at her and exchanged looks. He passed a smile and so did she. 

He immediately turned to me and said, “See that hot chick, she gave me a hint.” 

As the train came I focussed all my energy on getting on it but my friend had a devilish smile. We got on it somehow and my friend left me to go after her. He came back after sometime. 

His face was red and he seemed a little upset. “All of them are Bi****s.” He said and I was a bit taken back. “What happened?” I asked and he was too angry to speak. Later on I got to know that when he approached the girl, she wasn’t interested in something of more personal. 

He continued, “Why did she gave me a hint if she did not want to do something?” 

I had no answer as I was never given such a hint ever before. The next day at the office, there was a party that was organised by the seniors who were leaving the company. Everyone was invited, so we went there too. There was as usual drinking of all sorts and every kind of thing one may find in a party such like this. Everyone was in the mood, even the girls of our office. 

I bet if I ask her to go with me, she won’t say no.” said my other friend who was with me and drinking. ” Girls from good family don’t do such type of things. They don’t party or wear such short clothes.” 

I came from a family where I and my sister were treated both as equals. My sister has been a part of the tennis team for almost all her schooling and college life. And I have always seen her dressed in the most comfortable clothes as possible. No one ever objected. Not my parents and I never listened to the ones except them. I have a habit of calling my mother every night before I sleep so she knows that I had dinner. If I don’t call her she cannot sleep. I had told her before of my party and she had asked me to take care. I called her first thing in the morning and she could guess with my voice that something was wrong.

What happened Karun?” she asked.

“nothing Ma.” I said.

“Take Care and have healthy food.” she said and I started to get ready for my office. But checked to find out that it was a holiday that day.

I rang up my sister who lived in other city. She picked up the phone and answered. “How are you little brother? Did you find a Girlfriend? Was her somewhat satirical comment she always would make on me.

“Who needs one when I have you?” I said and she melted. 

“What do you want” she asked and I had some questions which I need answers to.

“Did you ever give a hint?”  I asked.

“What do you mean?” 

“Did you ever gave a smile at a stranger when they smiled at you because that’s a hint?”

She didn’t answer me but asked me to meet her the weekend she would come to home. 

It was a day after we met at the house. Something had caused between us because of that conversation and she didn’t talk to me the way she talked. My mother was the first to notice and she immediately pointed out. “Nothing Ma”  my sister saved us, the way she always did. We both got comfortable and after  healthy chat we went to our rooms. My sister came to my room and sat besides me.  

“I am sorry if i hurt you.” I said. 

“I think I never had this talk with you before. I guess we should have talked about this before.” she said while adjusting the covers of my pillow. 

” Do you remember the day when I came back from the school and went straight to my room and didn’t open until Ma came, When after college Papa was so furious he almost was red with anger, when I came back from practice and the next day changed my location. Those were somethings a smile cost me or something people termed as a hint. “

There are at times when the sentiments of the moment take your tongue away and nothing can fill that silence except the sound of two beating hearts. 

I wasn’t sure what to say so I stood up and held her hand as she held the pillow tight in her palms.”It’s Okay Didi “,  I said and she just tapped my shoulder. 

You know Karun, I want to cry”, she said as she saw tears rolling down my eyes. “I feel sometimes do I commit a crime by asking for what I want to be or what or how I want to express. Why is that such a simple emotion of smile is interpreted in such different ways. Have we lost the sanctity of human emotions.”

I had never seen her like that before. She was the strongest person I had ever seen. Stronger than my father, than my mother. She was my guardian, my angel, my God. She cried like a baby that day and I wiped her tears. She wiped mine. 

I took the pillow from her which by now was strangled to death by those long held back emotions, which couldn’t see the light of the day because she wasn’t of a sex that the world wanted her to be. 

Didi”, I said “What you have achieved I don’t think I would be ever able to achieve that. My respect for you is always something I won’t ever be able to explain.” 

She moved her face towards me and said, “I know little brother.” and went out of the room smiling. 

I have always respected living beings just because of the two women in my house and my father who always taught me to treat a living as a living being first and then think of any other thing. 

My holidays ended and I went back to my city for my job. The daily routine started and I headed back to my office. I met my friend on the way and we shook hands and proceeded towards the station. We saw a beautiful woman yet again and saw her in an different dress we were used to. 

She definitely must be that type of girl.” my friend said to which I replied. ” That’s a great talent brother. When you can judge a person by their clothes, I think you must be interviewing the top most positions. The country needs people like you who can judge a person’s character by their clothes.” He couldn’t make an eye contact with me for the entire day. 

Back at office I got busy in the official work and took a break to get a cup of coffee. A lot can happen over coffee, I had seen a TV ad someday. I got to see it happen that day. 

You know Karun”, my floor manager came to me and said, “I have heard that our group mate is interested in you. She was asking about where you belonged and where do you live and how are you.”

“Oh is it.” I was excited as I had a liking for her. 

“But Karun, I will advice you to stay away from her. She drinks and parties. I don’t think she has a character one can rely upon. ” the Floor Manager commented. 

” Sir, have you seen a cuckoo bird. She sings so melodious. But she invades another nest, kills their kids and make it a home for her children. When someone so melodious can be so evil, we still are humans. And I think we have an evolutionary advantage of a better mind. Perception may not always be true. ” I told him politely. 

What you read above was all fictional. But I wrote this story with authenticity of emotions and sentiments. It has always been said that we need to save our girls so that they are safe. But the reality is, the girls can be safe only when our boys are taught to save themselves. We need to save our boys. We need to realise that a NO means No and that a simple smile isn’t an invitation for any type of favour. Respect a being for it is living first, then comes the purity of their heart. If one can see beyond the purity of heart then I don’t think that person will ever be deceived. Clothing is an expression of the mind and it should not be linked with the character of a person because character is something you make over the years. You don’t change it because it is old fashioned. Drinking has always been associated as wrong for women but not for some men who find it a matter of pride to drink. There is this popular TV ad about a scooter that has a tag line why should boys have all the fun. Indeed. Why should they when everything here is made for everyone here. Why is clothing or drinking or partying or even smiling considered a mark of bad character. Shouldn’t we look beyond them? 

 

The prompt for this post came from an excellent movie titled ‘Pink’ by Shoojit Sircar. I would highly recommend watching this movie. 

I now see a beautiful girl smiling at me. Is she giving me a hint? 

What do you say?  Should I take her home? Or should I go upto her and grab her hand? Or maybe if she rejects me I can go and throw acid on her? Will my manhood be questioned if she rejects me? What if she wishes more than to be someone’s wife? Should I strangle her and call it a suicide? Or beat her until she suppresses her emotions? 



Or maybe it could be a start of a beautiful friendship.. 



You tell me. Should I proceed? 

My Mother Lies…… 

The title of this post may seem a bit weird to everyone who reads this. But what today I am going to say is the truth- My Mother Lies!

How can one expect someone so sacred as a mother to lie and that too to her own blood. This may sound strange, maybe upsetting to many. But as hard as it sounds, my mother lies.. 

I have only heard stories from her and my father how I was brought up and how we are what we are. I remember not Vividly but still in pieces. Since the day I had an intelligence to take decisions (which mostly included which junk food to go in for), I remember my mother lying to me. The first thing that I remember was that she told me whenever I used to take out my red shiny tricycle(which I mostly dragged) to ride it in the neighborhood. It was about the man who will come and take me away with him in his big bag which was full of children who never listened to their mothers. I went outside most of the times. That man never came. But my mother did and whenever she came I was rewarded with salt and sweet. Later she applied some cream on my red cheeks and would give me a small candy that she used to put in that highest shelf which I couldn’t reach. Whenever I asked for one, she would say that I will lose all my teeth and will never grow them back. I remember getting the candy once when no one was around. The whole almirah came down with it and so did my teeth. I remember having a fist fight with my brother and some of them falling with it. I later took them out on by one(I was an adventurous kid) That man never came but my mother was always there. She thrashed both of us to make us sit and then would say. If both of you don’t sit in one place I will call the teacher and tell her that you have been a bad kid. We feared our teacher. She used to search for us when she was mad. We were the popular punching bags of the class. So we sat down maybe for a second. She came sprinting towards to separate us. We were fighting like cats. 

I had a very bad habit of sucking my fingers(they tasted so good). So one day she told me. If you do it one more time, your fingers would dissolve and would no longer be there. I knew this won’t happen. So I continued doing it. But when she saw me, I did not feel my fingers for sometime. I think that was the closest i got to losing my fingers.

Whenever we were out and she and my father were tired of carrying me, they would lay me and my brother down and make us walk. They would say just around the corner is our destination. The destination came but I remember seeing them tired and exhausted and yes the destination was not always around the corner. 

My parents had to work very much with the food I took. I was a spoilt kid and yes I never did eat the good stuff. My mother devised something. She made pizza one day. And she put in it Spinach and everything green. I ate it. But now pizza is ordered from outside. I now don’t allow her to make pizza at home. 

As I grew up her lies became even more profound and well thought. She used to give a lot of thought in telling a lie so that we are tricked into believing her. 

One day while we were out for dinner, I looked at her and asked her if she wants that last slice of pizza. She said she was full. I later saw her eating the various things she keeps in those small little boxes. When I asked her why didn’t she eat it. She said she didn’t liked Pizza. She likes extra seasoning and wants her pizza to be extra spicy, now I know. These days were one of the many. You see how clever and cunning she has become. 

My mother has a habit of eating all of the food that was made a day before. I always ask her why she does that. And she always say, the food of the previous day tastes good. And when I started doing the same, she started throwing it away. 

Recently she got ill and I was scared. I didn’t knew what to do but didn’t tell anyone. You see company affects you. I lied that I was okay when on the inside I was breaking walls. While I took her to the hospital, she said nothing. When she came back, she said she was fine. The only thing I did was didn’t listen. I closed the door to her room and took her phone with me. She had the best sleep. Later in the day, she came out the bed as my father was making dinner. She came all the way to the kitchen and started arranging things. None of us said a word. We stopped doing what we’re doing. I am fine she said. We know, all three of us said and she went back to the bed. She slept like a baby only to be woken up by the morning alarm. She was preparing the lunch boxes for all of us. When I asked why did she come out. She said, how could I have let you all go put empty stomach. I let her make the tiffin and I tried finding the tiffin box, I failed miserably as the terrain was alien to me. She was done with the lunch boxes and I again forced her to rest. All the time she was saying that she was fine. 

I don’t know what gives power to an individual to have the courage to tell a lie in the eyes and still be able to live that lie. Since when I had the eyes to see the unseen,  my mother, my father, my brother have hidden from me, I have become a different person.

Love in the purest of forms changes you. It grows something inside you that is unique yet universal. It never wants you to hurt. But when it does, it gives you a remembrance, something iridescent, something that stays forever like a scratch that can never heal. You see it, everything flashes infront of you. You imagine what gave it to you and how it added to you. 

Humans have a life to give to others. My family has been the greatest teacher who taught me this simple fact. And purest forms of love is not about receiving. It’s about giving. 

Of all the lies my mother has told me, the one she clearly wants me to believe is that doesn’t like to be treated like a little girl. But yes one day or the other, the three of us try making her a queen and let me tell you the smile on her face that is something all of us can do anything to let it grow. 

She is the one who wakes up before the sun and sleeps after the moon has fallen asleep. But we three are aligned to her. 

 

She is our universe.