O mine, O mine, I wonder what it’s like to see, To stumble down a stairway, Of dreams, desires and all things sweet, I cannot see the blurry eyes O mine, Filled with clots if not ancient, My insecurities, my helplessness and the shards of my ego O mine, I sleep desperately over pavements, To hear steps of strangers to sync with my heart, But O mine, O dear mine, O sweetest mine, They aren’t you, For Dolus plays with my heart, my mind and my soul, He finds happiness in sticking me with glasses sharp, I bleed in snow, I bleed in autumn, And over days when the sun wakes up the little hummingbirds, But my skin scaled, porous, heals my scars, For new ones to grow, I fall down the stairs, consciously, O mine, O mine, Can you catch me, For just this once………….
A pain radiates from my ribs, Slow to move, hard to touch, The one my ghosts speak in days of my penury, The cracks in my skin, Ripples in my heart, The pain usually subsides, As Sunrises and Sunsets paint my room, Over mountains ancient and over the clouds new, Inches away from my bed I herewith reach for my pen, Tuck neatly within pages of the old annals, I sometimes write with my hands folded, And sometimes with eyes that see beyond the stars, For a pain that radiates sometimes through my umbra, And onto the ink that fills my pen, My words the lover, an affair of the century, I write, I write, I write…..
We live in a world that is heavily shaped by what others think of you. There are times when the thought of being you just skips your mind because what others may think of you becomes prominent- that is what we have been told for almost all our life. Climb down the bench, don’t talk too loud, behave, don’t run, don’t touch, don’t understand, just obey. We have been subject to conditions that could have brought the best in us but Alas, we were shaped by what society might would have thought about us. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. You have been a good son till now, followed everything which was laid upon you, never broke any rules, was always helpful and could never lie. Your heart always overpowered your mind where there were some major decisions to be taken. You never intended any wrong to befall on your loved ones because they were the ones that resided in your heart, they were the ones that helped mend it when it was broken, gave it shots of adrenaline when it was almost dead. You never ever thought what your present action will do because you never thought from your mind. This did not affect many as your major decisions until now included mostly that involved you the major part and somebody or a group of some bodies as a minor or even an insignificant part. But from what I have seen in the past few watches, your decisions have started to affect many and the most affected is you. I am observing you and I don’t find you in a very functional state just because of the one decision that has made some people erase you from their life. I know this is painful because these people were your closest accomplice in some very good times. Grieving for them has become an order of the day for you. Everyday you become older than what you probably are just because you keep on thinking about them. I am not saying that this should not be done. But look at yourself buddy. You have lost all your happiness and joy that once you spread across everyone you met. You are not even justifying your own name- Harsh that means happiness. I just have to say this to you- you are everything that the universe is made up of. You have a body, a soul, a purpose and most importantly an aim in life. You have tried your best to maintain the relations that you wanted to maintain. Buddy, you look tired to me. I request you to please stop. You are just letting yourself go in this process that has snatched you from all the happiness and has made you a walking corpse. I can very well understand how difficult it is for you to let go because you find happiness in smallest things. A bubble of water can excite you, a bird bathing in a pool of mud can entice you, a baby laughing can mesmerize you. I know you will never forget those people because they will always remain special to you. You have grown in their company. But buddy you will have to learn to let go or else you will lose yourself.
I will always be here. I will always help you when you need me. Just listen to me because I am you.