This post is an emotional one and a very private one indeed. I had to write this as the emotions inside me are just too overwhelming to be told to anyone. For those kind enough to read through this, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and believe that you shall respect this very intimate feeling.
It was the year 2011 and I had just started to go to a college. There was lot of excitement and fear about the college life. The college was completely a different thing for someone like me who had been a studious student to the school. As I tried to blend in with the new environment, a day my mother called me and said to me that she found a snake in the kitchen. We all were worried and as the college got over, I got back to the house and all four of us began to talk. I had always wanted a dog and I thought that this might be the only opportunity that I would get, so I proposed getting a Labrador as I heard stories about their sniffing powers. My parents immediately dejected this idea and shunned me away. But I was persistent. Days and days after requesting them, they finally agreed on getting a Labrador Puppy. We did some research on the internet and found a number that dealt with them. Everything was decided and the person who just had a Labrador Puppy decided to give one to us. I remember it was a Sunday and the person lived at a distance of about 3-4 hours. All of us were excited and we even prepared a little bed for the puppy to come. The person came and he had the puppy in a shoe box. He was so small that he couldn’t open his eyes. We took him and gave him some milk and let him rest on the cold floor. He was so small that when he slept he put his entire face in the slipper. I tried to comfort him by putting him in my arms. The next thing came on naming him. We had decided on all kinds of names but my Mother was persistent on one name-Joy. He was named Joy as in a way he had brought joy in our lives. Days passed and he grew so fast. He loved going out on his walks and would pull us like crazy. He had immense strength so much so that once my mother tried to take him for a walk, he pulled and she fell down. Since that day it was either me or my brother who would take him for his walks. We had seen many dogs perform tricks, so one day we decided to teach him some. The first thing was sitting down. We would take some treats and teach him to sit down. He got so perfect in so less time that we were amazed. We didn’t even have to tell him, just showed our finger and we would sit down. We also taught him to shake his hand. He would like a gentleman sit down and always give his right hand to shake. Everyone was same for him. He loved everyone and everyone loved him. He was especially famous with the kids of the locality. Whenever my mother used to sit in the morning to pray he would sit besides her and watch her as she did her prayers. Just like a honest disciple, he watched everything what his teacher did. Joy loved playing with clothes and he would bring us a piece of clothe and ask to hold one end while he pulled on the other and would love chasing people. I remember I would slightly push him with my leg and he would chase me around the entire house until either he was tired or I was tired. Everyday when we came back he would come running to us and lay his entire body weight on us. He has been someone who has listened to some of my deepest secrets and has stood by me for so long that seeing a day without him is almost close to impossible.
For Nine years Joy has eaten by my mother’s hand. Every single day my mother has fed joy like she would feed us, requesting him to eat his food, sometimes even getting angry at him. It broke all ours heart when Joy stopped eating food. Nothing seemed to work and all of us were helpless. Seeing someone so close to you and the way they adore something such as food, not accepting it has shattered me to many pieces. I have cried so much and so more that there was a moment of weakness I had started to believe in something I didn’t hoping that a miracle might happen and he would start eating. I haven’t seen such a weak Joy ever since he came as a little puppy. I could never carry him in my arms as every time I tried to, he would growl at me. But he cannot walk now and every time I have to carry him, every fibre inside me cries but still I keep a straight face for my family because I know if I cannot hold myself together, they would lose it too. I have lost some people that I have loved in all my entirety and I know that I might recover from this loss. Its hard to accept that a creature so loving and so loyal can leave you so soon. They have such small lifetimes. My mother had said this to me while I held Joy in my arms and my brother was driving us to the hospital this Saturday. Diwali this year was so painful. Everyone tried to put up a happy face but deep down they knew that this might be Joy’s last Diwali and the worst part of it is that we cannot even feed him the things he so much loved. I am writing this after trying to feed him something.
I want to write so much more but my throat has run dry and my hands are trembling at the thought of losing Joy. I want to tell you so much more about the wonderful things he did for us and how he saved us from the darkness while he fought his own demons but I cannot. I have considered myself to be an expressive fellow who knows what to say and when to say it but this moment, this situation has made my gut helpless reaching for words. This post was my way of dealing with such a magnanimous loss although I want him to recover and if there is god, he knows we are trying our best. Whatever happens I just want him to go peacefully in his sleep, to the fields where Sun is always up and the winds carry a scent of lavender. I just hope someday I will meet him again……
Caring for Art 