A devil stares me at night, Standing infront of me, Whenever I dream of darkness, I know it will someday grab me, Take over my mind and body, As I try to stay numb to sensations outside, For they push me closer to it, Everytime my heart bleeds, And I become pieces of chalk, That absorb slowly its footprints, In dark soot and viscous slime, I try to sleep with eyes that close sometimes, It comes closer everyday, Near to my feet, More than ever, I can feel its hands reaching up my bed, Or is sanity slowly diminishing from my head, Past is future, Or is future past……
I see faces down with the work of yesterday, The faces tired and anguished, Dirt lay still and has made mounds on them, Living but dealing with canyons that haven’t touched in eternities, For One sees reflections of oneself, Their inner beings around them as they traverse, Tread over boulders big and small, Life as we see and life as we believe, Changes meaning every other second, And every other passing of day, For life is simple, Simple as water dropping down a stalactite, For years and years until it forms another similar being like themselves, Life has meanings in times like these, Times of everyday, Each day…..
I see stars embedded in my palm, For they shimmer in the night, When the Moon is far, And the wolves howl through the dark, They bring me peace sometimes, Calm down my palpitating heart, Or burn through my skin, Scars that stay forever, Under the epidermis like a brand of destitution, A tattoo of obligation, nothing to be proud of, I try to stay true to my roots, For they bring me cold water, Quench my thirst and bury my lavishness, By the fertile mud of my ancestors land, That grows a tree inside my mind, A tree that extends over centuries, And bears fruits for generations, Sometimes golden and burnt, And yellow and red, For I see stars and how they burn, And I tell my self to shine like the Omega and the Alpha, But wait and rest and sleep and recharge, Whenever they burn through my skin, And visit my roots more than often, The stars of my distant crescendo…..
I bleed slowly on tattered bedsheets, Of closely minced with dead meat, Rotting, degenerating, infested with melamine ticks, For my blood thickens and spreads unevenly over times before and after, As I try finding myself, Over the corpses of my dead dreams, The desires gutted in slumber, I cry for help, For the end is not near…..
I see small, minuscule pieces of myself, Scattered over the glazed floors, White marble on the roofs of euphoria, A little over there and little beyond the cracks, As sunlight burns some pieces, The rain washes some, The storm dirties them yet again, And the autumn helps them shed their skin, For a belief that stays with me, On days when people walk over me, And behemoth crushes my vision, I will see you, One day, beyond these days that have been altering me, The course, rough edges that belittle into a perfect circle, And bring me warmth and peace written somewhere in the myths, Like Cupid and Psyche, Forever and beyond, A happy ever after…..
If passion could speak, And heartbeats could shout, Ambitions could paint, And desires could walk, I would see for what’s invisible, And feel the blood in my veins, For dreams shape when we work, It’s only a matter of time……
Love seems like a rainbow, Filled with colors of the Sun, It drips over me like it does over the others, Slips down my shoulders when I am not looking, Sometimes falls down my eyes over a memory that was pure, An emotion true, an incident tragic, It reflects the piercing, sharp parleys, Off of my chest and into the open air, For Love brings me life, Reminds me that my heart is not made of stone, And my skin that breathes slow symphonies, Onto this canvas that I create, Piece by piece and that changed colors with each gray of my hair, If Love was perfect, it would be like light, Simple, colorful, white, But Love is not perfect, It is the same as a falling down a waterfall, Only to be caught by a branch thin, That breaks off too soon, Until someone holds on to you, And keeps on choosing you, As you fall together, Infinitely, together, Love is organic, slow, smooth like a fine whiskey, You gotta keep on drinking…….
I slowly walk towards you, Following your footsteps, Etched on pathways golden, Petite, almost unnoticeable, And follow your scent among all the unknowns, For it takes a century of being, To see what it is like to be a speck, Amidst the dust that gathers on a runaway cloth, I see you while darkness turns me upside down, And inside out, My fall and my rise, My imagination almost running thin, My ink that doesn’t spill, They all ask one thing, When would you be real?
My day starts as the colossal struggle between my mind and my heart ends, As I struggle, exerting every vein in my body, A pain arises somewhere beneath my skin, Gravitating through my toes and my fingertips and the little wrinkles that rest on my body, For the day is new and the night shall be here soon, I gather them all, my angels and my demons, And I open my eyes, For the day is new and the night shall be here soon……
I sleep with arms wide open, For the air feels thin at nights, When I am all alone on my bed, That knows when I sleep, When I wake up from nightmares that crawl over me, As a realisation dawns upon me, The bed is magnanimous for someone as timid as me, I yearn for warmth that my sheets shall never provide, The sound of rhythmic waves, I turn on my speakers in nights like these, For silence keeps me up, And my bed pulls me down, A crisis of the century, An affair that must end, Before I perish, Or these arms through which blood still flows……
I hold you close, As the cold slowly fades away, Into motionless fallacies, That Me and you commit, Sometimes knowingly, Sometimes unwillingly, We stare into each other’s eyes, The Sun sets and The Moon rises, As seasons change and the earth gravels into sand, I come close to you, You even closer……
O mine, O mine, I wonder what it’s like to see, To stumble down a stairway, Of dreams, desires and all things sweet, I cannot see the blurry eyes O mine, Filled with clots if not ancient, My insecurities, my helplessness and the shards of my ego O mine, I sleep desperately over pavements, To hear steps of strangers to sync with my heart, But O mine, O dear mine, O sweetest mine, They aren’t you, For Dolus plays with my heart, my mind and my soul, He finds happiness in sticking me with glasses sharp, I bleed in snow, I bleed in autumn, And over days when the sun wakes up the little hummingbirds, But my skin scaled, porous, heals my scars, For new ones to grow, I fall down the stairs, consciously, O mine, O mine, Can you catch me, For just this once………….
A pain radiates from my ribs, Slow to move, hard to touch, The one my ghosts speak in days of my penury, The cracks in my skin, Ripples in my heart, The pain usually subsides, As Sunrises and Sunsets paint my room, Over mountains ancient and over the clouds new, Inches away from my bed I herewith reach for my pen, Tuck neatly within pages of the old annals, I sometimes write with my hands folded, And sometimes with eyes that see beyond the stars, For a pain that radiates sometimes through my umbra, And onto the ink that fills my pen, My words the lover, an affair of the century, I write, I write, I write…..
I rummage through the graveyard of dreams, The lost desires and the will to see, For sometimes I walk over puddles deep, That source through my devils oh so grim, The substances that had once belonged mine, Determination, perseverance and that stubborn grit, Sitting there idle gambling over the coffin of my skies, I squat with them, shake hands and bulge them to take up their arms, As I pick up mine, For the world is mine and it is mine to see, The roads traveled and the paths untrodden still, My voices dumb and mute and unsound, The frequencies lost in the shriek of the crowds, For I shall shout and talk aloud, The bastille of my insecurities shall break, And bring back the silver in the skies, And I shall see and see afar, Farther than the fog and farther than the Equinox, Till I can see thy self and say it aloud, It was all worth it, the scars on my arms………
With this post I would like to inform you, my fellow writers of something that is really important to me. Another step towards my career. I have been selected as an inspector in the Customs and Excise Department, Government of India and will be serving the nation towards achieving a better taxation compliance and inclusion of better taxation literacy.
All of you have been really supportive to me and like an extended family that I’ve grown to know for the past 7 years since I had started blogging.
I thank you all for showing me the continued support and guiding me whenever I was lost.
तो क्या हुआ जो आसमाँ आज साफ़ नही, हवाओं में कुछ गुमशुदा सा है, कुछ भीगी भीगी सी आस है, मद्धम सी चल रही नदियाँ हैं,
तो क्या हुआ नींद नहीं आ रही है, करवटें बदल बदल के तुमने जो रातें काटी हैं, ना रात गुज़र रही है, सूरज जैसे कहीं छुपा सा है,
तो क्या हुआ जो रास्ते उलझे उलझे से, शक के धुएँ में मंज़िल नज़र नहीं आती है, मैं किस और जाऊँ, क्या यही मेरी राह गुज़र है,
मैं सोचता सब हूँ, सोचता शायद कुछ भी नहीं, एक ख़याल ज़रूर आज आया है, तो क्या हुआ जो नहीं मैं जो होना था, जो हूँ शायद नहीं भी होता, मगर यह ख़याल आज जाने दे, की आज मैं मुझमें कुछ रहना चाहता हूँ, की आज बस सोना चाहता हूँ…….
I am a regular man, Who feels the wind on his face, The cold soft breeze, Hot and thorny sometimes, For I see through small viscera, The fabric of time, The minuscule, timid that intimidates me sometimes, As I lay down to relax, On my bed, my abode, But I am a regular man, That sleeps sometimes through the terrible storms, And sometimes pick up a hammer to nail the wriggling seasoned doors on my facia, Nothing much to hide, Not much to show, A plaid, straight old rhythm, Somewhat like the Beethoven’s Für Elise, Regular, easy….
I draw myself closer, Closer to the serenity of the ocean, That moves harmonically over mountains in its belly, The salt that seeps through my skin, Open wounds and scrunched memories, I draw myself closer, Closer to what the heart says, For the mind isn’t my friend anymore, It concocts imaginary devils, That pierce me with their claws and hooves and horns, I draw myself closer, Closer to the idea of loving myself a little more, For what I have is real, Or is reality a drama of the mind…?
I smile through the days and nights, When the Sun rises slowly through the dark, And Winds bellow loudly amongst the trees, The fruits fall over the heads of passengers, The water that touches feet of the unknown,
I smile through seasons and rains, The summer makes me dance and shine, The songs the little caprices play, Over mountains laden with snow, And the skies that paint with clouds,
I smile through mysteries and the uncontrollable, For man rarely has control over them, The twinkling of stars, Life on a distant Moon, Somewhere its day and the other nights,
I smile for smile is what I have, The little creeks on my cheeks, The wrinkles of the ages when the Sun wasn’t up, And I slept for days weren’t kind, The nights smelt of disappointment, And I was never hungry, For I know now what it means to be happy, A bag full of sunshine and a grain of night, A drop in the ocean and a flight amongst the planets, It is everything and nothing at all, A perfect oxymoron, Isn’t happiness just a state of mind……………..
I sink over the oceans, My legs tied and my hands cuffed, I breathe for my senses still work, My mind numb from the coldness of the ocean, Heart slowly withering down, My life flashes before my eyes, For they want to comfort me, The harshness of the salt, And the deadening silence of the night, Pull me down, Down under the bleak sunlight, I gasp for air, For to breathe I still remember……